Random Photo Friday: No more WIRE hangers. EVERRRRR!!!!!

While I do have a remarkably random photo for today's post, I first have to introduce my equally wire-hanger-hating alter-ego with this outstanding and classic scene from Mommie Dearest:

Why does this come to mind? Because last night I was getting so bloody irritated that my closet is literally crammed full and it doesn't help that it's hardly a massive closet in the first place - none of that 300 ft. walk-in you see on all those HGTV house hunter shows where you can buy a mansion in the States for less than half of what a 4 sq.ft. manky broom-closet would cost in Vancouver. 

But what I hate most - the one thing that really annoys the hell out of me every single time - not just at home but anywhere, even when I'm looking at clothes in a store......is hangers! I hate, loathe and detest clothes hangers, especially wire hangers. I have a boundless hate-on for goddamn maddeningly irritating wire hangers, which is what's so eerily reminiscent (and oddly amusing) about the freakishly traumatic scene above, courtesy of Faye Dunaway (or Dun Fadeaway as my dad always called her) playing Joan Crawford. I hate hangers at the best of times, but give me those infuriating wire things and I want to start jabbing and poking eyes out, they are so immensely enervating! They get tangled, mangled, jammed and snarled on everything, usually while they're shredding a nice line through a silk blouse or ripping a whole in your favourite dress and hooking several other favourite garments into the mix.

So last night, as I endeavoured to trim down my closet and part with clothes I just don't seem to wear lately, wouldn't you know it - hangers of all shapes, sizes, materials and colours got stuck on one another, tangled, dangling and pulling, tugging and snagging on each other and everything else as I tried unhooking them from the closet rail. The slightest movement just seemed to drag several other items along! Aaarrgghhh!!!!

As useful as they may be, me and hangers share no love whatsoever. And when it comes to those hideously infuriating wire things, well let's just say, we should never, ever be left in a room together. I get all wound up just looking at them. Lorne ends up with a pile of them each month from getting his shirts laundered and it drove me nuts at the last house where we shared a closet and I swear those wire-monstrosities seemed to multiply! Thankfully we now have separate (equally tiny) closets, so I rarely have to see them anyway, but it's safe to say, as useful as hangers are, I really loathe and detest them - and when it comes to those downright AGGRAVATING wire beasts, let's just say, me and ol' Joan Crawford/Dun Fadeaway bear a striking resemblance. Even to the extent of pulling everything from the rails and throwing it like a wild woman into the air behind me. And believe me, PMS and battling unruly hangers is an especially potent mix! As a rule, I avoid tidying/rearranging anything in my closet until I'm home alone - because it seriously ain't pretty and no-one needs to witness that, not even the cats. Heck, even I don't want to be there. And last night was no exception and, in hindsight, perhaps the wrong time of the month to take on the closet. 

The Horrorrrrrr of Hangers.

But here's the funny - and oddly random coincidence. I was telling my friend, Denise, this morning about the whole hanger incident from the night previous, explaining my seething and vengeful wrath for hangers of any kind, especially wire ones, and even shared the above video clip with her to emphasize my point. Then I tried googling stock images of 'pile of coat hangers' that I could maybe use for this post, to emphasize my point.....

So imagine my surprise when Denise left to walk her dog at lunchtime and texts me this photo (above), saying 'thought of you'. Goooo figure! How bloody-well random is that? I mean seriously, what are the odds that I'd be getting myself all in a knot (again) sharing my vehement animosity and utter loathing for wire hangers and relating my general contempt for basically any given variety....and then she goes out for a short walk and comes across..... a pile of hangers! What the.....? And then sends me the photo, not knowing I'd actually been trying to dig up stock relevant images just a few hours earlier! Crazy, eh?

And so there you have it - today's wonderfully random photograph: The Horrroooorrrr of  Hangers!  comes courtesy of my good friend, Denise.

Of course this post wouldn't be complete without an image of the very bane of my existence and fodder for the above wonderfully dramatic scene in a rather psychotic display of 'motherhood'.  These things are currently terrorizing a corner of our bedroom, waiting for Lorne to donate them back to the cleaner when he next picks up his shirts.....which had better be soon!

Oh, and did I mention that I really, really, really HATE wire hangers? 

EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Random Photo Friday: Random act of . . . . .aggression?

Today's random photo is just that; a random photo of what sounds like a bizarre random incident.

I came across this intriguing note when I got off the bus last night - meticulously bound with oodles of packing tape onto three of the four lamp-posts at the crossing of Granville Street and West 7th Ave in Vancouver. Visible and weather-protected.

Quite the scene must have played out at that spot just the day previous. A huge over-reaction on both sides by the sounds of it.

At first glance I was struck by the aggressive undertone of the note but then I have to admit, I quietly admire this person's humility at trying to (publicly) make amends. Well, if you discount the middle few lines where the apology begins to waver somewhat - in fact those lines were blacked out by pen on one of the posters.

Clearly he (I'm assuming it was a he) really was in a dark place, auditions or not, and maybe the other person went a little over the top also, though I imagine I would too at the mention of throats being slit etc. But we all have sh*t going on, one way or another, and I'm sure we all act it out sometimes on those who had no intention of upsetting us, certainly not to the point we lash out like this person did anyway. We might unleash our own messed-up head without knowing or even considering the sh*t the other person might be going through at that time too. We all have a back-story, one way or another.

I have to wonder if the other person in this scenario was a tourist, perhaps European, given the mention of camera and man-purse. Well, I guess he got first-hand confirmation of the (fairly reliable) rumour that Vancouverites are pretty unfriendly. Your average person on the street here really does come across as if they couldn't give a shit about anyone but themselves, their cellphone and where to grab a Starbucks half-caf-triple-salchow-demi-macchiato-non-fat-low-carb-gluten-free-soy-latte on their way to yoga! But it doesn't mean we're all like that.

At the end of the day, the writer of this note admits they were in a bad headspace and something small triggered a huge and uncalled for level of retaliation for which I believe he/she genuinely feels bad. Even if they weren't entirely 100% to blame for the ugly scene that apparently unfolded on that street corner, they're at least admitting their part in an unfortunate event and are reaching out to say, 'Hey, sorry man - that was totally uncool and uncalled for.' I hope the other person sees (or hears about) this note and can move on too. No-one is ever too big or too old to apologize - or to accept an apology.

Peace!

Battling the Bulge

I know I've harped on in a couple of recent posts about having gained a few pounds and my frustrations at not being able to shift them, which - for years - has not really been an issue for me. A few extra workouts, a little tightening of my diet and any additional weight has quickly been burned off. Not this time though. All the usual tricks are not only failing to achieve their previous success, I appear to be fighting a losing battle. (If you'll excuse the pun.... or is it irony?)

Now I've never tried diet pills before, call me crazy but I've always preferred the (healthier) old-fashioned method of diet and exercise and that's been my reliable fail-safe for almost 20 years. Until recently. I don't know if it's down to age, or is it the daily dose of Tamoxifen (an estrogen-inhibitor that I started 14 months ago in follow-up to a minor surgery for breast cancer, and will take daily for a total of 5 years).

Late last year, already beginning to feel frustrated with a few pounds gained - (not least because I felt great when I lost about 7lbs earlier in the year for no real reason other than changing my workouts slightly) - I saw an online ad for 'Dr. Oz recommended' Garcinia Cambogia - a product that's rumoured to enhance weight loss even if you don't exercise or change your diet, as well as boosting serotonin levels and having other health benefits, all without any adverse effects. Wow, I'm not a fan/believer in Dr. Oz per se and I place very little faith in those 'eat as much as you like and no need to exercise' claims but hey, if that's for real with this product, then what's not to love? Or so I thought.

Without labouring over the details, let's just say I dutifully did my research and chased down the best reviews, best product and best price I could find for my first purchase of this so-called miracle fat-burner; making sure there were no binders/fillers, the Hydroxycitric Acid (HCA) was at least 50-60% etc. etc. And when I ordered my first bottle of pills (right) via Amazon, I diligently followed the dose and directions to the word.

I went on vacation for two weeks during that first set of pills and was pleased to find I didn't gain any weight while on holiday. Admittedly, I didn't lose any - but since I didn't gain any either, I was happy enough with that, so I continued taking them.

By the time I ran out of the first set (given there were only 90 and you have to take several capsules per day) I still hadn't noticed any weight loss so I decided to try a different brand. Once again, I did my research (willingly ignoring any nay-sayer reviews) and  came across a 50% HCA Garcinia Cambogia extract by Top Secret Nutrition (Below, left) which I bought over the counter at Vitamin World when Lorne and I did a quick shopping trip over the US border. Other than via Amazon.ca I don't think you can buy GC in Canada, or not in BC anyway.

If at first you don't succeed....try, try...and try again.

Once again I followed the dose religiously, even stepping it up a little after a couple of weeks, but still no change. Big, fat, hairy nada! (OK, maybe not the hairy part, but you get my drift.)

While doubt began to seriously sink in along with that sense of having allowed myself to be completely sucked into the hype, I decided I still wasn't going to give up, after all, there were many reviews that rave about this product, and it's not like I even have much weight to lose, surely it can't be that difficult (can it?). So I switched brands again and this time I asked for advice at Vitamin World (on another cross-border border trip) and was recommended Super Citrimax (above, center). I was obviously wearing a flashing neon "I'm a Sucker" sign on my forehead that day too, because the saleslady cleverly up-sold me by suggesting I should take Acetyl L-Carnitine supplement in combination with the Super Citrimax for maximum effect. "The Acetyl L-Carnitine helps burn fats and boost metabolism too," she said, "A lot of people take both products together." As I mentioned before, I unwittingly had sucker written all over me that day and I'm definitely not normally one for being up-sold - on anything - and I certainly felt the pinch when it came to paying for it all, but hey - I was also beginning to get panicked that I'd never get this weight off, or be able to stop the needle moving higher on up the bathroom scales.

Many more weeks went by and I religiously swallowed down my daily regimen of Super Citrimax and L-Carnitine tablets, continued my regular gym workouts and was eating less but - you guessed it - still no change!

Needless to say I was incredibly frustrated - in addition to being out of pocket and completely annoyed at myself - for being somewhat sceptical but nevertheless duped by all this Garcinia Cambogia hyperbolic claptrap. In the few weeks before Christmas, I came to the conclusion I was done with it all, I'd given it my best shot (in spite of my intuition telling me this would all prove to be a grand waste of time and money) and I decided quite adamantly that I would NOT be buying any more. Clearly the reviews that berate this stupid 'miracle remedy' are in fact the more credible ones. 



And then, while doing some of my Christmas-shopping through Amazon, I once again found myself drawn in by the prospect of a little pill that could, would and should. This time I found a much more reputable (or rather, well-reviewed) nutrition company who offered a better product - touting 65% HCA no less! That's right, the highest (and purest) concentration of HCA that I'd seen on any of the competing brands. And with a name like "Trusted Nutrients" amid labelling claims of "All Natural Fat Burner & Appetite Suppressant" accompanied by a bunch of positive reviews and high praise for the company's magnificent customer service, I was somewhat powerless (read too desperate) to resist. Furthermore, they advised just two tablets per day, making it a 90-day supply plus they'd halved their regular price and I would have it delivered by New Year. Within minutes I found myself hitting 'add to cart' and before you could say, "You know you're just wasting your money AGAIN you daft cow" I hit send and the order was in. Besides, it cleverly pushed me over the "spend over $25 and we'll ship for free" barrier with the couple of books I had in the same order (Excuses.... excuses...). So really, there was nothing to lose but the weight...... Right?

My order was waiting for me when I got back to work on January 2nd and, with my pants feeling noticeably stretched to their max across my expanded arse, I started taking the tablets right away!

And I've continued to take them just as advised, one capsule twice per day, 30-60mins before meals alongside an increasingly intensive workout regimen..... and.... continuing the overwhelming sense of déjà-vu....I've noticed NO change. Seriously! Nothing. Nowt. Rien. Nichts. Zippo. Zilch. Big, fat bugger all! Why oh why??

To say I'm increasingly frustrated would be an understatement. I'm completely choked, pissed off, irritated, perplexed, annoyed and downright grumpy about the whole frikkin' waste of time, effort and money! Over and over. The whole stupid idea has proved to be one fat loss, only the loss is NOT weight - or fat - related. At all!

So I decided to write this out for anyone who happens to hear about this useless product and its many, many 'miracle weight loss formula' versions of the same old sh*t, different pile.

In fact, while I could keep ranting, I happened to stumble across this simple article which sums it all up perfectly (and more politely) than I would. Of course I see this now, after my months (and hard-earned $$s) of wasted effort....but hey, if I can spare anyone else the nonsense of this over-marketed drivel that I clearly fell for, then hey, that's more money for you and less in the pockets of these hokey companies.

I can say with all honesty that I believe this whole Garcinia Cambogia hype is nothing but utter stuff n' nonsense - don't fall for it!!!

The only saving grace of my whole experience thus far is that Trusted Nutrients really are proving themselves to be worthy* of the positive reviews on their customer service and if you're still tempted to try GC, then I absolutely recommend you order it through them, directly or via Amazon. They've been incredibly helpful and supportive of my frustrations, have offered me a full refund (even though I get to keep the product) and are even shipping me a bottle of Raspberry Ketone (on the house!) to try alongside the GC! Apparently the two have been known to work better in tandem (hmmm there goes that sense of déjà-vu....all over again). (*On second thoughts, I take back this compliment about Trusted Nutrients - see my update post (Feb. 20) here.)

Anyhoooo, safe to say the fat lady ain't singing just yet. For the time being I'll continue with the GC I still have left over, I might as well anyway - and I'll certainly try the raspberry ketone with it, once it arrives. That aside, I'm researching ways to boost my workouts and hopefully get off this frustrating plateau and back to fitting into my regular clothes again. One thing's for sure, I can't afford to be buying a whole new wardrobe - not even at the local Sally Ann!

Random Photo Friday: Bursting at the seams



'Twould appear the universe is not only trying to tell me something but has now reached the point of being downright sarcastic!

While waiting for a bus recently I noticed the above tag lying right at my feet. Oh hardy bloody ha haaaa. Charmed, I'm sure, though it certainly sums up how I'm feeling lately, especially post-Christmas n'all. Actually it's more like an overweight old bag, but let's just address one thing at a time.

Two weeks in and several heavy-duty workouts later and I'm still pushing outwards against the seams of my clothes - and this in spite of eating less, drinking less and 2 x 1,000mg of (65% HCA) Garcinia Cambogia per day! What the f...? When did it become so difficult to shift a few pounds? Normally a week back at the gym and I'm good. Two weeks and it's like Christmas never happened. Well, that's how it used to be anyway - but it certainly isn't the case this year, which is what concerned me even before the holidays, when my weight seemed to be mysteriously creeping upwards.

I know it's not about 'weight' per se, since it's normal to have fluctuations of up to 7lbs within any given day. And, having been much healthier and fitter for the past 20 years or so, I've tended to go mostly by how I feel and how my clothes are fitting rather than by what the scales might tell me - which has rarely made me feel good anyway. But that's what bothers me, my clothes continue to feel a little too tight for comfort despite the fact I'm doing all the things that would usually work to the contrary. (Usually being for years - up until about last November.) And I'm still hovering around the 138 - 140lbs mark - i.e. a good 7-10lbs over the weight I've maintained for at least the past 15 years.

I'm beginning to struggle with what to pull from my closet in the mornings and have even taken to wearing the looser-fitting clothes I bought when I first started taking Tamoxifen, in preparation for the weight gain I was told would be quite likely. (Funny how the opposite seemed to be true for those first several months, ho-hum.) Problem is, even those clothes aren't nearly so 'loose' anymore :-(

So yeah, today's picture sums up perfectly how I'm feeling. (sigh)



New Year, New Specs, a New(ish) Do and a New Weight (yikes!)

Well, I had hoped that I'd be kicking off the New Year with a wild and amazing first post, choc-full of profound wisdom, sage contemplations and exciting aspirations for the year ahead. And so I waited...... and waited.... and.... here were are, ten days in already, and I've still got nuthin'. Nada. Big fat diddley squat! Lucky I wasn't holding my breath.

Christmas is done and packed away, except for (too much) remaining chocolate, I'm back at work, back at the gym and whaddya know, things are ticking over just the same as they were in 2013. It's hard to contain my underwhelming enthusiasm really. Gees, I haven't even managed to come up with any pics for my Random Photo Fridays the past 2 weeks either.

So, while I continue to hope for some enlightenment and dazzling inspiration for 2014, I figured I'd blather about a couple of things that are new with me. Well, new-ish anyway.

Nine months ago I decided to try a new hairstylist - Sonia - who'd apparently replaced my previous guy at a salon I've been to a few times before. I'm always horribly nervous and skeptical of trying someone new and, while Sonia was very lovely, interesting to talk to and took a really long time over my hair, I left the salon quite distraught (inwardly anyway). Clearly Sonia had somehow confused a 2" trim with a rather dramatic 7" chop. My past-shoulder-length hair was suddenly about jaw-length, the shortest it'd been in four years and, quite honestly, I was not impressed. In fact I was really upset. I'd said 2 inches, indicated exactly where I wanted the length and at no point in our conversation and my showing her a couple of styles I'd picked out was there ever any discussion to the contrary. And it wasn't just a case of taking an extra inch - she took off seven!! I suspected she was going a little short but tried to trust her and figured she must just be doing a few shorter layers underneath etc., especially because my hair's so thick n'all. Wrong!

Let's just say I was still so choked about it the next day that I decided to call the salon and give my feedback, undeniably upset and with my voice breaking as I tried to explain. Thankfully they were very sympathetic and offered to have someone else fix it or a free cut with a different stylist if I'd give them another chance. I pointed out there wasn't enough hair left to 'fix' and it wasn't that Sonia had given me a bad haircut per se, just a much...much...shorter one than was ever discussed. Had I planned to get a full 7" cut off, I would've gone in there armed with a bunch of images and ideas of the new style I was wanting. I went in for a trim and came out with a CHOP!

Suffice to say it was a full 6 months before I needed to go back and in that time, I have to admit the style actually turned out quite nice, I got a lot of compliments on it and it even kept a nice shape as it grew out. So I updated my initial review on Yelp and in September, still cautious about giving Sonia another try, particularly since she might be p*ssed off at me for the feedback and the review I'd left on Yelp, I saw a different stylist for my freebie. Besides, you really don't want someone who's mad at you going anywhere near your hair armed with scissors or a razor! Noooo thank you! That'd be like p*ssing off your dentist then inviting him to drill your teeth.

Anyhow, I felt it was more of a tidy-up trim which was fine except it soon lost its shape and, after deliberating for a couple of months about whether to just go back and see Sonia again, I decided to take the plunge. I was nervous as hell but she seemed fine, lovely in fact, and I even mentioned that my hair had 'ended up quite a bit shorter than I intended' the last time I'd seen her. But this time I had a few images of what sort of style I wanted and she picked out the one that was actually my favourite too.

Although neither of us mentioned the Yelp write-up, Sonia was noticeably cautious in checking and double-checking that I was 'absolutely sure' I wanted to go as 'short' as the picture, i.e. collar-length, in view of how I'd felt the last time. But it's such a lovely style (plus the model has the same hair colour as me, even if I don't have her good looks) that I went for it and I was really happy with how it turned out even if I can't yet seem to get it to look quite like it does in the photograph, or if I do it's destroyed the moment I leave home, thanks to Vancouver's damp weather. Mind you, I generally prefer any new haircut after about 4-6 weeks, once it's settled down, so we'll see in a couple more weeks but on the whole I'm quite happy with it, I believe Sonia and I have re-bonded and hopefully I'm safe to go back to her again. That said, it probably won't be for a while because a) I've decided to grow it a little longer again and b) it costs close to $90! (Unlike Lorne who can get a great haircut for just $20! Men always get the better deal on these things, it's so ridiculously unfair and sexist!)

Once I had the new do, it was time to get new specs, not least because my eyesight has certainly deteriorated this past year (this aging thing sucks) and also because Lorne's annual medical benefits still had money available which will otherwise run out after 12 months.

I'm far-sighted and have only ever needed glasses for reading/computer and, as I mentioned the last time I got new specs, I've always tended towards discreet, safe and unremarkable (read relatively plain) styles. Although I distinctly remember that, when I got my last pair (April 2011) I felt they were actually pretty trendy and I was proud to have gone a little outside my usual comfort-zone.

I thought the new frames (right) were a trendy departure
from the safety of my usual 'blendy-blendy'  frames.

Interestingly enough a few weeks ago, when I asked Lorne if he thought I should get new frames, he went on and on about why the current pair are awful, too big for my face, too rectangular, too weird at the sides..... Yikes, steady on - I had no idea he felt so strongly about them. (Mind you, I only really wear them at work, so he hadn't been exposed to their apparent horr-orrrrr very much. Who knew they were so offensive.) So with that unfiltered, no-holds-barred confirmation that it's definitely time for a new - trendier - pair, I went shopping....everywhere! What a royal pain in the arse glasses-shopping is. I must've tried on at least 100 pairs at 7 different places and was feeling completely exasperated by the whole thing. For the first - okay second - time in my life I was prepared to go beyond the confines of my usual comfort zone and yet all I could find were boring frames, frames too heavy and dark for my face, or totally hipster styles....funky but better on someone half my age. I don't want to look old and fuddy-duddy, but I'm not aiming for the 22 year-old student-look either.

Very tempting but the price wasn't nearly as attractive.

I initially fell in love with this pair (right) but not their $475 price tag! At least I think it was this pair - the colours looked fabulous on me (purple-indigo and royal blue) - but the saleswoman wouldn't give me the name/model number or let me take a photo - too afraid that I'd run off with the info and shop elsewhere. "I'll just write it on your file for when you come back." Ha! Having done some online digging since then, I found out they're Mizyake Couture style #4643.

So I trudged around several more places and, just as I was starting to give up on the whole idea, I tried one last store - Tru-Valu Optical, where the incredibly helpful Fred quickly picked out a pair for me - also Mizyake no less - and, despite still trying on just about all the other frames in the store, the Mizyake pair kept coming out tops - and, at $300 total, considerably cheaper too. Done deal!

The greenish colour works really well with my hair and eye-colour, also green (my eyes that is not my hair) and the shape is just right, not too narrow but not owl-like either.

Mizyake MZ4312, Forest

Oooh fancy laser etching on the sides.
Right posh is that :-)

They actually don't look that great in this photo thanks
in large part to my big nose and dull 'I'm just staying
home today' attire.

Ugh, the above photo is neither a good example of my haircut nor my glasses - and my schnozz looks massive. In real life my new glasses are similar to the style worn in every conceivable colour by Kathleen Robertson, who plays Kitty O'Neill in the dark and intriguing (but now cancelled) drama "Boss". Anyway, I'm quite happy with my new specs even if they do look surprisingly (ie disappointingly) non-descript in the photo. I'm sure they look better in real life, she wrote, trying blame it on just another bad Iphone pic. But that's enough boring banter on the subject....

As for the new weight.....well, it seems I outdid myself this year. Despite not going seriously overboard with festive indulgence, exercising some restraint on hoovering my way through the choccies, mince pies, chips and other such treats and going to the gym FOUR times over the holidays, I still managed to inflate by about 6lbs - right up to 140lbs, the heaviest I've been in.....about 15yrs! Un-bloody-believable and downright un-bleedin'-fair given that I didn't even go as mad this Christmas as I have in Christmasses past and was diligent enough to work out several times. What the F....????? I feel so cheated. And hitting that ominous 140 mark was quite the shocker, let me tell you - especially considering this time last year my weight was dropping to below 130! Almost a full stone. (Why do we brits talk about our weight in 'stones'?)

Of course, in the grand scheme of things and life n' such, I am fully aware that gaining 6lbs over Christmas is really no big deal. But try telling that to my jeans - stretching their seams across my somewhat widened derrière - and the love-handles and bubble-bum that are making my trousers suddenly look an inch too short. (Interesting how the hem of your pants rises in direct proportion to the inches gained on your bum/hips?) Heck, it's been tough deciding what to wear for work....or rather what fits!

Naturally I've weighed myself on about 4 different sets of scales in hope the news would be less demoralizing but there ain't no escaping it. Just like everybody else - I've gained a few pounds but while they're talking about their New Year diet plans etc. I don't get to be nearly so pleased with myself this year, feeling all smug that I only gained 1 or 2lbs. Bah bloody humbug, I say!

So it's back to the gym, cutting down on the booze and treats (Baileys really is not conducive to a slimmer waistline) and I've resorted to trying a different brand of Garcinia Cambogia that I ordered off Amazon in time for New Year (yeah me and a gazillion others, I'm sure). I've never tried any kind of diet pills in my life but this slowly upward-creeping weight/size thing is really starting to bother me and, while GC is actually a health supplement, it's primarily touted for it's 'alleged' weight loss properties. I've tried 3 or 4 different brands over the past few months and have not noticed any difference, so this is definitely my last attempt. Even I have to admit I've likely just been totally suckered in by the hype but hey, I figured it was worth a try. Maybe. Anyhow, I'll give my final verdict in the weeks ahead.

In the meantime, I'll still endeavour to gather my thoughts and perspectives on how to make this a great year.

Happy New Year!

Christmas 2013

As we barrel full-throttle into the final hours of 2013, I'm still trying to wrap my head around just how fast this year has gone. It's insane. Another 365 days have blown right on by in what seems like 5 minutes. Like everyone else at this time of year, I find myself reflecting over the past 12 months and trying to figure out what I need, want and hope for out of the next 12.....and beyond. Then I eat some more chocolate, sup another Baileys + peppermint schnapps, cuddle the cats and wait till it passes ;-) A temporary reprieve anyway.

But, before I go galloping into 2014, I'd like to linger a little while longer over Christmas....

Firstly, I can honestly say that finishing work 4 days before Christmas was GREAT! Normally I feel so rushed, furiously wrapping the last few gifts on Christmas Eve and am just about coming up for air when WHAM Christmas day is here, the floor's a carpet of discarded gift-wrap, I've scoffed too many Quality Street (again) and am sliding into the fetal position after a huge non-turkey dinner and too much wine.

The past few year's I've tried to convince myself that I'd like to do some baking beforehand and this year I finally had the time yet still the actual enthusiasm for it evaded me. I'm not even sure why - pure laziness maybe?

On Christmas Eve Lorne and I were among 'those saddoes' heading to the gym at lunchtime for one last burst of energy before the festive over-indulgence. (For the record, even we draw the line at working out on Christmas Day.) And normally we stay home on Christmas Eve, watching a couple of fave movies (Christmas Story, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or Bad Santa) and eating a smorgasbord of appies and treats, but this year we went out for a fabulous dinner - returning to Raincity Grill, the very restaurant where Lorne shocked the bajeebers out of me exactly 11 years earlier by presenting me with an engagement ring! (Sooo glad I said "yes".)

We got up around 10am Christmas Day (ahhhh the luxury of no kids) and opened our gifts in-between coffee with Baileys and warm croissants. Lorne spoilt me with an Ipad mini, something I've been deliberating about for a few months, trying to decide if I'd really get use out of one and unable to justify the cost for myself. But hey, now I have one and can even do blog updates on the go, wi-fi permitting.

Veggie, vegan or otherwise - you should try this at home!

We went over to Vicky and Mike's place around 3pm - they cooked a delicious Christmas dinner for us - for which I made yummy veggie sausage in beer gravy as a turkey substitute for myself and even Bronnie wanted some. (We'd actually tried several places trying to find this delicious vegan field roast but to no avail - although I did manage to get my hands on one yesterday, so that'll be our New Year dinner.)

I always admire the creativity at Vicky's house - lovely-handmade decorations, a display of carefully cut paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling (apparently they were aiming for 100 but gave up at 'just' 60!), handmade cards and home-baked treats. Even down to the artistic gift labels. (I'm useless at drawing so my cards etc are handmade but not drawn.)

Special-teas for Lorne, with home-made labels and careful
instructions. And a hand-decorated mug for me.....although
I simply don't understand the wine reference, not at all ;-)

The B-side to my (wine) mug :-)

And, talking of creativity, here are the adorable cards Bronwyn made for us:

Looks like a beach holiday for me this Christmas

With love to me and the kitties! This one's a keeper for sure.

Lorne's card features a fat Rudolph
and lots of snow.

Bless :-)

We exchanged our gifts before sitting down for dinner a) because Bronwyn and River were so excited (as were we) and b) because Mike had a friend from work, Jose, joining us for dinner - a young Mexican guy who's been in Vancouver 7 months but doesn't really know anyone and was unable to go home for Christmas, so we didn't want him to feel awkward as we all sat opening gifts. He was a nice guy, though perhaps a little quiet, but who can blame him? First Christmas away from home, in a new country, in a language he's still learning.....and spending it with us loonies :-) Christmas among your own family is such a traditional and individual, nostalgic event, I imagine it'd be harder still when you're not even in your own country with your own family, friends, food, traditions etc. (In fact my worst Christmas was the very first one I spent in Canada (1995) - no thanks to the utter jerk I was dating/living with at the time...in not-so-fabulous Calgary. My dinner consisted of frozen chips (fries) and a few chocolates, dished out among various insults, put-downs and criticisms from the man of the hour. Needless to say it doesn't feature on my personal list of fond memories and by March I got the heck out of there and moved to Vancouver - as originally planned. How about that for cutting a long and miserable story short?). But I digress.......

Since Bronwyn and River don't really have any other relatives this side of the pond Lorne and I always like to spoil them a bit and it's always fun shopping for them. The biggest hit was the pair of Cars inflatable boxing gloves that we got River. He and Bronwyn wore one glove each and proceeded to pummel each other, giggling their heads off. It was pretty funny to watch and great to see them play nicely together (so to speak), something they're not always good at. In fact, we'll have to buy a second pair so they can fight out their sibling rivalry with both hands :-)

We gave Vicky the highly-acclaimed book "The Reason I Jump - The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism" written by a young japanese boy Naoki Higashida, described as a very smart, very self-aware, and very charming thirteen-year-old boy with autism, it is a one-of-a-kind memoir that demonstrates how an autistic mind thinks, feels, perceives, and responds in ways few of us can imagine. 

There might have been a little self-interest on my part, since I'd actually like to borrow it when she's read it, not only because it is so well regarded, but also because I'd like to understand more about River and just what he - and all of them as a family - work with around his autism. I have absolute admiration for Vicky in all that she has to deal with, not just with River's autism but also with Bronwyn and basically everything in general. My life seems so easy compared to her day-to-day and yet she still manages to do so much - all the time. I know it can't be easy and I often feel like maybe I'm putting pressure on her to fit in spending time together - which has been far too infrequent the past several months. But we've decided our New Year's resolution has to be to find the time to get together more - just make it happen. And spending time together Christmas day, all of us, was a reminder of what I've been missing!

Anyhooo, I took a few snapshots while we were at Vicky's so here are some of them:

Bronnie had us all sing Happy Birthday to Cactus,
her gerbil, who turned 2 years old.

Ahh River, ever the big beautiful smile amid that crazy pile
of wild and curly hair.

Mike and Vicky - looking lovely and definitely festive!
It's just not Christmas without the obligatory Christmas
cracker tissue-paper crown on your head all afternoon.

Mark popped by to say Happy Christmas &
have a quick drink :-) Great to see him too.

Bronwyn relating a story - you can almost see the funky
new slippers we bought her for Crimbo.

Ahh the man of my life, Lorne - the best gift I could ever
hope for, any day of the year!  

And here's the card I made for Lorne this year, with a
backdrop carefully recycled from one of last year's cards.

And, of course, I have to add one more kitty-cat picture, since they are family n'all:

Mel - sooo busted trying to sneak a peek at their
stocking full of prezzies on Christmas Eve. 

A lovely Christmas in so many ways. I am truly blessed with a good life and a wonderful family (human and feline) - I love you all!

Random Photo: Christmas present, Christmas past

Once again the cats have been fascinated by the tree this year, to the point it's virtually destroyed....again. This Christmas was Ella's first in our home and she seemed every bit as enamoured and excited about everything as our other 2 muppets, Mel and Louis. Bless! Hence I had to post this Iphone pic I snapped of Ella, waiting patiently under the tree for the jolly ol' fat guy in the red suit.

Little Miss Ella - waiting for Santa.....and catnip.

It's also at this time of year that my heart remembers - and still deeply misses - our little Lucy. Four years ago today and I will never forget the feeling of my heart literally breaking. She was an absolute treasure and I loved her with every bone in my body. Dear sweet, adorably quirky Lucy.

Lovely Lucy, never far from my thoughts.

There's not a day goes by that I don't think about her, though I'm pleased to say, having Ella has really helped soothe any lingering emptiness - not least because she definitely looks so much like her (and is missing only Lucy's endearing spaziness and 'special needs' tics), but also because, like Lucy, Ella is incredibly loving, snuggly and a real sweetheart. Similarly, if you sit still for a mere 10 seconds you're guaranteed to have her in your lap, looking for love.

I'm blessed to have both angels in my life, as well as all our other much-loved feline family - present and passed.

10 small things that made this a good week

I know I often write out my grumbles on this blog but this week, perhaps with the Christmas spirit in the air, there were a few things this week that literally gave me a warm 'ahhhh' feeling....and it wasn't just the mulled wine:

1. Further to my anti-fur posting a couple of weeks ago, I was still feeling increasingly frustrated at the number of people with fur trim on their winter coats, especially those awful Canada Goose coats, involving terrible cruelty to geese and coyotes (the trim is made from coyote - with dog fur used on knock-off versions). On Monday, I was in the Army & Navy's shoe department (still on the hunt for Lightning McQueen slippers for my nephew) when I heard a girl talk her friend out of trying on boots with fur trim. "No you can't do that," she said. "Do you have any idea of the torture those poor animals go through?" I wanted to hug her right then and there. "Finally" I thought, "someone else gets it. Amen!" I felt a wave of pride accompanied by the chorus "Haaaal-le-lujah! Hallelujah!" I was also pleasantly surprised to see she was young too, maybe 18-24 years old, I'd seriously begun to despair that young people even give a damn about this sort of thing. 
2. On Tuesday a couple of women at work sent out an email that they were doing a bake sale and collecting donations for VOKRA, the same wonderful cat rescue charity responsible for bringing Mel, Louis and Ella into our lives. I'm not much of a baker (too tempting to eat what I bake) but I was happy to test a bag of delicious scones and donate supplies of old towels, litter scoops, paper plates and garbage bags. So nice to see people doing something to help animals, I can't believe I haven't done a similar fundraiser myself, other than selling a pile of my cards for United Way. Note to self for next year!
3. On Wednesday night I popped into the local Salvation Army store, looking for a cheesy Christmas sweater. While I was in there, a poor old guy of about 80 or so hobbled in with his Zimmer frame/walker and awkwardly made his way around the store, handing out a small, gift-wrapped package of chocolates to each individual staff member, wishing them a Happy Christmas. Even though he struggled, he gave out each little gift personally, it was such a lovely, heart-felt gesture. He made everyone in that store smile. I love these small but priceless moments.
4. Also on Wednesday I won a treat from the massive Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory gift basket that had been delivered to our department. It was so full of fabulous goodies that, rather than put the stuff out with all the other treats that have been in abundance all week, we did a daily company-wide trivia quiz to 'raffle' off the contents. I was amazed that my name was selected so I picked out a massive solid chocolate Santa. Why is this even worth mentioning? Because I almost never win ANYTHING!
5. Ok, I say almost never because, as it turns out - much to my further amazement - my name was picked from the ballot box to win the Door Prize at Lorne's company Christmas party on Thursday night. What the....???? :-) I never win anything then I get two prizes in two days! Wohooo! I don't yet know what I actually won, since it wasn't marked on the ballot box and Lorne simply got a text last night saying my name had been picked and the gift is on his desk*. Cool! Needless to say, not to look a Christmas gift horse in the mouth or anything, but I'm hoping these things come in 3's since I've got a Max Millions lottery ticket that's just itching to claim the $50 million jackpot that's been sitting there for weeks. Or else I'd be happy with one of the $1 million bonus prizes! Heck, I'd be happy with just $100, even though a few extra zeros is always a good thing. The more the merrier, right? :-)
6. I noticed that my anti-fur posting from Nov. 29th has now been viewed 25 times! I have no idea who even looks at this blog or whether anyone visits more than once but I truly hope at least some of those 25 people took the time to read the whole post and learn a little more. Better still would be if even 1 person out of those 25 has a change of heart and never wears fur again and even tells other people about just how disgusting that whole business is. Those poor, poor animals.
7. They've renewed my consulting contract at work for a further two months - even approving the (10%) increase I asked for on my hourly rate as of January 1st! Excellent. And not bad considering I was only supposed to be working there for a couple of months - 13 months ago! In the grand scheme of things they're not paying me a huge amount (it's still 30% less than I earned freelancing 10 years ago, translating movies and documentaries - I wish there was more of that work around), but it's a decent rate and I'm actually enjoying the work too, so I have no complaints.
8. And talking of work, it's been a real pleasure being there this week. Everyone's been in such good 'festive' spirits, hanging out around the kitchen area, scoffing the piles of endless treats and chocolates and just chatting, laughing etc. Of the four Christmasses I've worked there (2009, 2010, 2012 and this one) I have to say this has been the best. Previously it definitely felt more grinch-like, very little social interaction and awkwardly fake at best. This time has been much merrier and I've enjoyed being there.
9. For once I have my Christmas shopping all wrapped up (get it?) nice and early this year. With the last arrival from Amazon a few days ago, I've literally got just a couple of things left to pick up with still a few days to spare AND I finished work yesterday until New Year. Nice! I can't deny there's always been something about Christmas shopping here in Canada that makes it so much easier and more pleasant than anything I remember of my previous life across the Pond. When I think of the same time of year in England it was NUTS! I mean swarms of people everywhere you looked. Crowded streets, queues 20-30 deep at every checkout, grouchy cashiers and equally grouchy customers, all seemingly wanting to just get the whole thing the hell over with. My experience here has generally been quite the opposite, especially with sales staff who - despite the rush - are helpful, pleasant, maintain their good humour and always have a smile but not even in an over-fake 'I'm on comission' way. I don't know what it is that makes the difference but I find Christmas shopping over here is actually quite enjoyable. It probably also helps that I love getting gifts for people. We don't go all crazy and super-extravagant with gift-shopping, there's no need to and I doubt it'd feel the same anyway. But I am happily amazed it all felt so easy this year, thanks in large part to the wonderful elves at Amazon!
10. We had our first snow yesterday - all of about 2 inches but plenty to cause snowmageddon traffic mayhem and dodgem cars around the city, even my 15-minute bus commute took nearer 55 this morning, 30 of which was spent just waiting for a bus to even turn up. But everything looks so pretty (once you're off the sloppy, slushy main streets anyway), especially with the Christmas lights and such. 

So all-in-all not a bad week to kick off into the Christmas holidays :-) and here are a couple of pics to add to the feel-good sparkle.

The snowy view from our bedroom window this morning.

Looks like a Christmas card. This fabulously decorated
house & garden are just down the street from us. I'm
tempted to bite the steps to see if it's made of gingerbread.

* Sadly my lottery ticket didn't pay out....again... but Lorne brought my prize home this afternoon; a nice bottle of Okanagan red wine, "Moon Curser" (which I merrily drank a fair bit of during the party), a $50 gift card to The Parlour Restaurant in hoity-toity Yaletown, whose tasty pizza they also served at the party, and a company logo'd touque. All a lot better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, even if I do say so myself! 

Random Photo Friday: Merry Christmas Kitties

Well the Christmas theme obviously isn't all that 'random' for today's photo, given we're just days away from all the feasting and merriment (though I seem to have started early on that score and am currently working through the hangover of Lorne's office party last night and bracing myself for mulled wine and tasty appies here at work) but this photo is just too adorable not to use:

About 5 mins before this picture was taken, I'd said to Lorne that I wanted to make a Christmas card of the cats to send to VOKRA with a donation (since we adopted all 3 of our guys through them) and was thinking I'd have to get all creative and print up a few pics etc. Next thing, Lorne goes upstairs and calls me to come take a look. There they were, all three neatly lined in a row, happy as clams and looking right at us instead of out the window for once. "There's your Christmas photo" he said and went to grab his camera (mine was in the closet so they were guaranteed to scatter before I could get it). And voilà - this was the fabulous result. Christmas Cats 1, 2, 3 (Ella, Mel, Louis). Thanks also to the handy-dandy Christmas photo-card thingy from the local dollar store. Purrfect!

Weighing up Tamoxifen, 1 year in.

 'Twould appear I've unwittingly succumbed to one of the possible side-effects of Tamoxifen - memory loss - since I was convinced I didn't start taking it until Dec. 16th last year and was getting ready to post a 1-year update, however, in referring back to my blog post last year, my anniversary was actually November 16. Doh! But then, how would you know if you're suffering memory loss anyway, since you can't remember what it is you're supposed to have forgotten? Hmmmm.

So here I am, one year down with four more to go and, while I don't want to speak too soon, I'd have to say so far, so good - up to this point anyway (mostly). From the list of possible side-effects I’ve really only noticed two or three; the struggle to maintain my weight, some joint aches/pains and the fact my PMS symptoms (especially irritability) seem to kick in a lot sooner each month. 

Weight: Weight gain seems to be the thing most people comment on with regard to tamoxifen and the thought niggles at me too, although I actually lost about 10lbs during the first several months. Admittedly I also kicked up my gym workouts in a pre-emptive attempt to combat potential weight-gain, but for a couple of months the pounds just seemed to fall off. I felt great, very healthy and lean, although I did reach a point where my clothes were just about hanging off me. 

Alas, this has definitely turned around, particularly in the last 3 months. While my workouts haven't changed and I’m not eating any more than usual - literally 3 meals a day with perhaps the occasional cracker in-between, and I never eat junk food or pastries - I’m nevertheless noticing my weight is creeping upwards, clothes are getting tighter on me and my thighs have regained an inch compared to where they were in March of this year. It’s incredibly frustrating because, for years and years, I’ve always been so ridiculously disciplined about what I eat, making my own meals for the most part, and equally so about working out at least every other day for 90mins at a time, of which 45mins is ripping up a storm on the cross-trainer.

I know I’m not fat (at 5’5” I’ve generally averaged 130lbs, give or take, for the past 15-20 years thanks to diet and regular exercise) but I'm definitely noticing it's becoming increasingly difficult just to maintain my weight when, by all accounts, I should probably even be losing some. Of course it could simply be down to age/metabolism (being mid-f-f-f-forties after all) but if I’m going to watch the scales creep upwards then I’d really rather be stuffing my face full of muffins, fish ‘n’ chips and chocolates, thank you very much. At least then it’d feel somewhat warranted. Heck, I work with people who are snacking constantly, always eating out and regularly feasting on treats around the office, but they don't seem to gain weight. Waaaahhhhhhhh!!! And if the scales are sneaking upwards now, then I dread to think what havoc a couple of weeks of Christmas goodies might wreak. (I don't often weigh myself other than to keep an eye on things when my clothes are feeling tighter and, for the record, I'm sure I probably sound like I'm making a huge issue out of nothing here but, having been so horribly miserable during a period in my life where I was a good 40lbs heavier, I can't deny I have an inner fear of it happening again and feeling as horrible about myself as I did back then, although honestly, even those feelings were really about much more than just my weight. Either way, it's a part of my life that I have no desire to revisit if I can avoid it.)

Anyway, in desperation, and for the first time ever, I recently surrendered to an advertising ploy that popped up alongside my Facebook page and decided to try a natural health supplement, Garcinia Cambogia, that’s rumoured (having apparently been featured on Dr. Oz) to be the very latest and greatest in weight loss/maintenance, especially when combined with a healthy diet and regular exercise regimen. Errr, yup – that would be me! I'm not necessarily trying to lose weight, but I don't want to watch the pounds pile on either. Basically I already live in a constant state of denying myself what I’d like to eat and sticking with what I should eat instead, and I've exercised regularly most of my life. Anyhow, I’ll write more on this supposedly ‘Dr. Oz recommended miracle diet treatment’ in a separate post but, suffice to say, I’m not all that impressed thus far and if you've been considering it, you might be better advised to save your money.

Joint aches/pains: This probably bothers me moreso at night if anything and I’d blame our mattress except that it’s still relatively new (2 years or so?). The soreness/stiffness is especially noticeable in my hips/bum. For the past few years I’ve had ongoing muscle soreness in my glutes/bum cheeks, to the extent I had to give up running about 2 years ago, and it could even be related to my gym workouts, I guess. (It also doesn’t help when our three adorable cats decide they’re going to snuggle in with us all night and I end up with my legs stuck in one position too long.) Sometimes when I’m working out, I feel like I’ve already done a full workout just 5 mins earlier, everything feels tired and stiff already. 

PMS: Historically I’ve always felt I had it relatively easy when it comes down to that ‘monthly visitor’. Other than a few days of insatiable appetite and craving starchy/sugary things and feeling bloated, depressed and irritable the day of or just a couple of days beforehand, my PMS symptoms have generally been of little consequence. I’ve definitely noticed that changing the past 6 months or more, to the extent I start to feel all the ‘day of’ joys about 10 days ahead of schedule and they last longer too. The main one being waves of extreme irritability, like all my nerves are on edge, my skin feels too tight and I’m about ready to completely blow a gasket. Just wanting to lose it - throw or smash something, violently overturn display racks in a store, shove somebody out of my way or pull their hair. I’m definitely not an angry person and I’ve never been prone to losing my temper or arguing, even if I’ve really wanted to or had every right to. But lately, about 7-10 days before my period, I get intense surges of extreme ‘f*ck this goddamn sh*t all to hell’ pissed-offness gripping my entire body, almost like electricity tensing up every nerve. Especially if I drop something, have yet another battle with unruly coat hangers or can't find something in my closet, drawers or purse - which usually leads to the whole contents being pulled/tipped out and furiously thrown into a pile. Obviously I don’t let this rampage show, unless I’m on my own and I might then scream out a series of expletives as I kick, throw or bash something. Though generally even my so-called ‘angry’ outbursts are actually pretty pathetic on a general scale of ‘losing it’, although it feels frighteningly intense on the inside. To me anyway, ye olde Ms. Eternally Placid Peace-Keeper (for better or worse)!

So there you have it, my first year on tamoxifen and, thankfully, relatively little to report - and not much that can’t simply be put down to age or regular day-to-day stuff anyway. Hard to believe the time has flown by so fast. As long as it’s still doing its highly-praised cancer-fighting job, I can count myself very lucky and very grateful.