Say it ain't so.

I'd love to improve my memory - if I could only remember where I left the damn thing! I don't know what it is with me lately, I can't seem to remember anything and I'm not convinced that what I 'think' I remember isn't actually just a figment of my rather furtive imagination - or else a somewhat embellished version of events. I'd blame it on the fact I smashed my forehead into the closed glass door of the local Cobs Bakery just before Christmas (nearly knocking myself unconscious) but this constant feeling of 'blankness' had already started even before that and almost definitely contributed to the fact I walked into the stupid door in the first place.

I've always had a pretty sharp memory - especially when it came to names, numbers, dates etc. And I mastered two foreign languages, so there must be a bit of brain in there somewhere, but I've lost count of the number of times lately that I dart upstairs, apparently on a mission, only to get halfway up and realize I've forgotten what the heck I was about to do. Same when I go shopping - I have to take a list with me almost every time, which I hardly ever used to do. I'll often leave the house intending to head somewhere and then blank on where it was I was planning to go. Similarly, I can watch a movie and less than a week later I start to tell someone about it but realize I'm mixing it up with the fragments of another that I might have seen and actually don't really remember either film all that well. If I'm reading, I might plough through several pages only to realize I don't really remember anything of what I just read. I struggle to recollect what I did at the weekend and feel increasingly frustrated by my constant vagueness on what, where, how, when and why. I'm constantly misplacing my gloves and can never find any of the 101 lip balms that I know I have floating around the place, somewhere.

(Ironically, and to prove my point, I sat merrily typing away the above paragraph, only to suddenly realize I'd completely forgotten that I was supposed to meet my friend 15 minutes ago, with whom I'd made the arrangements just 20minutes before that! See what I mean?)

Since it has been hinted at that this memory-loss might be a symptom of pre-menopause, also known as perimenopause, which instills enough fear and dread in me as it is, I decided to look it up online.

Firstly, can I just say that having this photo embedded in an article about symptoms of perimenopause
really does not offer any reassurances or make me feel any better. Nothing personal against this woman, I'm sure she's a lovely lady who was hopefully paid handsomely by the photographer/Istock, but I think I can be forgiven for feeling that the implication is very much, "(Pre)Menopause? Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

(Or am I unnerved that she looks like the Crazy Cat Lady that I fear/suspect I'll become?)

Nevertheless, I tentatively began to read the text but glazed over during the bla-bla about primordial follicles and release of FSH and LH etc, and went back to google another site instead. Only this one lists the 34.....thirty-flippin-four.... symptoms of perimenopause. What the f.....? As if menopause doesn't already sound like an irrational hormonal nightmare in itself, you're telling me that I can expect about 34 wonderful symptoms for up to a decade beforehand, all in eager anticipation of the main event? Great! Juuuuust great!

I won't list them all here (it's pretty disconcerting) but 'twould appear I probably have about half of the symptoms listed, though thankfully perhaps the 'better' half.....I guess the rest are yet to come. What joy! (she wrote, with a palpably scathing air of sarcasm).

Anyhow, I'm trying to figure out which is the lesser of two evils...either I'm simply losing my mind or I'm hastily signing up the full orchestra for my very own menopausal symphony. Tough call!