Argufying and Grumbulating: New Year celebrations in the No Fun City

Before January hightails it right on out of here already (where does the time go?), I thought I'd post my first Argufying & Grumbulating rant of 2011, not least because it's something that niggles me about this city every New Year.

Bless Vancouver - the self-proclaimed "World Class City" - with such a pervasive lack of enthusiasm for anything remotely 'fun' that even the local Vancouver arms of Canada's national television stations CTV & Global didn't actually have anything they could air from Vancouver by way of fun and celebrations as the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve.

Since the police get twitchy here the moment there's a gathering of more than 5 people (especially if they dare to dance) there's fat chance they'd let 1000s of partying revellers gather in public to celebrate New Year. Although, come to think of it, there isn't actually anywhere left in Vancouver that hasn't already been turned into anothering towering condo development that such a crowd could actually gather in one spot, even if they wanted to, which - as it unfortunately would appear - they don't!

The surprise yet very publicized (or carefully staged?) party atmosphere during the 2010 Winter Olympic Games really was an anomally for this city, although there was also $1 billion worth of our tax dollars spent on police/security to make sure no-one got too carried away, even at the Olympics. The atmosphere was buzzing and rumours began circulating that perhaps Vancouver might have finally outgrown it's claim to fame of being the "No Fun City" after all.

Nonetheless skeptics among us might suspect that actors and extras were brought in to simply 'act' the part, in a near-convincing role as cops joining in a spontaneous (?) game of street-hockey or patriotic fun-sters prompting cheering and singing in the streets. I might not question it so much except that - while the rest of the world seems to celebrate New Year's Eve - here you're lucky to find anything going on. Or at least anything where you don't have to line up for an hour, pay a $40 cover charge, only to enter an empty bar and be threatened with a 'rinse your mouth out at the dentist'-sized cup of something pissy to toast the New Year.

Even the respective Vancouver arm of our national TV-broadcasters CTV, CBC and Global actually went to commercials....I kid you not.... at 11:59pm!!!...and carefully ran them for the next 6mins, till any mere whaff of merrymaking was surely over and done with. Flicking to an American TV channel we got to watch/envy all the fantastic fireworks on the Seattle coverage or the pre-recorded New York/Toronto/Montreal New Year celebrations on a few other channels. But from Vancouver - nada, zip and diddley-squat! This city is like a morgue on New Year's Eve, so much so that even we've given up seeking out the decidedly anorexic list of possibilities. With not a single public event nor any such organized activities throughout the Lower Mainland this year, I believe the airing of back-to-back commercials by our local broadcasters was perhaps their best endeavour to hide the shame and spare us all the public humiliation of living up to our No-Fun-Couver nickname after all. Mind you, what could they have shown from Vancouver anyway, except for tumbleweed blowing down the deserted streets. Or maybe all the barren bars and restaurants - doors slammed shut at 6pm, lights out and upturned chairs on already dusty tabletops. No sign of life there either - nothing to see here folks! Only dark sky, naked of any signs of fireworks. Desolate silence across the empty night air save a couple of dogs barking in the distance - tricking you into thinking you might actually have heard someone shout "Happy New Year".

Admittedly, I'm still bitter about the big hoo-haaa over the New Millenium which fell well & truly flat on its arse here in Vancouver. Seriously, there was NOTHING going on. A friend and I braved the empty streets, fighting our way through the lack of people and pushing past the moths and dust bunnies at one of the few bars we could find that hadn't long-since boarded up its windows and bolted its doors, only to find ourselves stared at in amazement and confusion by the four thumb-twiddling wait staff who were evidently starved of attention and bored out of their tree.

Out of sheer bloody-minded determination we stuck it out and, as the clock struck midnight that night, we literally stood up & yelled over to the bar staff and the one other customer, "Happy New Year" - selfishly jolting them from their festering reverie. Otherwise it's safe to say, the new millenium would have snook in unnoticed and sadly without incident.

Alas, it seems Vancouver's dishonorary reputation of being a No-Fun City is still very much alive and kicking. Indeed at New Year, it's really the only thing that is.

Ho-hum and bah humbug!