Dear Tamoxifen

As previously discussed, you are hereby contracted for a term not expected to exceed 5 years, wherein your principal focus is to be devoted to one task and one task only:

• To unreservedly kick the absolute CRAP out of this cancer malarky and ensure its toxic and insidious ass is kept the hell away from me!

And in so doing, you are respectfully commanded to honour your host, thus committing your equal and undivided care and attention in avoiding (or, at the very least, limiting to a bare and tolerable minimum) all of the following:

• Mood swings
• Hot flashes
• Weight gain
• Nausea
• Tiredness
• Memory loss
• Depression
• Insomnia
• Swelling of hands/feet
• Other menopause-type 'joys' not listed above
• Muscle/joint pain
• Endometrial cancer
• Risk of stroke
• Risk of blood clots
• Cataracts

In other words, make sure you do your job.....do it well!....and please be kind to me in the process.

And so, without further ado, let us seal both obligatory and honourary terms of this agreement, for the period of one thousand eight hundred and twenty six days (inclusive of the 2016 leap year and taking into account any additional/exclusive time-period as deemed appropriate by qualified oncologists).

I hereby raise this glass of water and.....3....2....1......

Dose #1 is down the hatch!!!