Anal retention?

So a couple of months ago I wrote about my (far-fetched?) intentions of running a half marathon......which actually came and went on May 2nd already. Although I'd paid my $70 to sign up a few months ago and had every intention of doing it and believed I could achieve a pretty decent time, 'twas sadly not to be. The intense muscle cramp/ongoing spasm I was experiencing back then - predominantly in my bum-cheeks of all places and down my hamstring - didn't really improve. Not even with a series of regular visits to my chiropractor, who was convinced that massaging my bum with ultrasound would do the trick and have me sprinting like Penelope Pitstop in no time. The more I tried to run, the more things would seize up and the tight burning sensation from the cramped muscles (not just roasting and 4-alarm-fire sensation from all the tiger balm) would make sleeping and especially sitting, incredibly sore.

I've never had this happen before but I've also never worked such long hours, so frequently - simply nailed to my office chair and breaking only long enough to go pee - as I have in my current job. The excessive workload, crazy-long hours and constant stress are (I'm convinced) making me clamp my butt cheeks so tight that now they're in spasm, unable to relax. Basically I've learned to become so anal retentive in this job (as I'm required to be) and under relentless pressure of deadline after deadline, that - like a hand that becomes a claw - my gluteus maximus muscles have tightly contracted into assus-massivus-krampus and even though I keep trying to go for a run, I still can't make it more than 30mins before feeling bumhurtus-verymuchas kicks in.

If I'm away from the office or get an occasional few days where I'm not having to work 10-14hours, then things actually start to unwind a little and I sit better in my chair since I'm not perched 3 inches higher in my seat atop two tightly-clamped 'buns'.

Anyway, why am I sharing this information? Not really sure - just wanting a sympathy vote I guess and trying to absolve myself for bailing on the half-marathon.

That said, I had a pretty decent run this morning (having taken a day off work) and ran along the Seawall through False Creek, Granville Island etc........but why-oh-why are there sooo few water fountains in Vancouver, it's almost impossible to find one. Or else you stumble onto one, gagging and spluttering, vultures swirling overhead, rattlesnakes at your feet (ok, so I embellished slightly) but if you do find one, chances are it's not even working. Insane! This is the city that's known for it's outdoorsy nature - people are always running, walking, biking, blading, skate-boarding, cycling and - now that summer weather is here - volley-balling (don't get me started on Vancouver's obsession with beach volley-ball). Anyhow, they keep talking of banning plastic water bottles here but then they really have to put in an occasional drink fountain. Don't make me start drinking from the dirty tupperware marked 'Fido' outside cafes.

Anyhow....time to go camping for the weekend...and hopefully uncramp that bum!