To join or not to join......that is the Facebook question.

I think it was 2002 when a new no-smoking bylaw came into effect in Vancouver, banning smoking in pubs, clubs, cafes etc etc. As an ardent lifetime non-smoker, my immediate reaction was "Great, no more smoking in pubs....and a long-awaited end to enduring cigarette smoke in my face and coming home stinking like an ashtray!" Experiencing this new bylaw in practice however, I discovered one major social setback that I hadn't even considered. Before the bylaw, I would regularly enjoy a few beers with Vicky and/or friends, boyfriends etc in the comfort of the local hostelries, where we'd sit and chat, laugh and eat and drink amid the sporadic (and sometimes overwhelming) clouds of another round of cigarettes being shared. While I’ve always hated cigarette smoke - particularly having it blow in my face and the stench of it in my hair and on my clothes - there was nonetheless something oddly comforting about it. Nostalgic even. As the evening progressed the smoke over a few beers would bother me less, mainly because, at the pub, it was all just part and parcel of a couple of hours socializing. What was I going to do, not go out because of the cigarette smell? But it wasn't until it was banished by Big Brother's Bylaw, that I fully appreciated just how much cigarette smells also symbolized the aroma of hanging out with friends, or family, relaxing, laughing, having serious conversations or simply idle banter about the mundane and the ridiculous.

Once the bylaw had its new stranglehold and Vancouver’s Fun Police no doubt patted themselves on the back for their latest ‘victory’, I couldn’t help noticing that it suddenly felt like everyone was actually smoker - maybe they had been all along, but while they stayed seated at the table, you actually got beyond noticing it any more. So I was about half way into my first pint when I found myself suddenly abandoned, waving goodbye to the smokers, who - banished to the outside now - huddled together for a group nicotine hug on the sidewalk, passing the lighter among them and tossing their heads back as they savoured that first puff. With their common thread of being antisocial ‘delinquents’, sent outside to continue their disgusting habit - I confess I watched them with a certain amount of envy that mingled with a strange sense of social awkwardness. Left behind at the empty table, I felt instantly recognizable as a non-smoking goody-two-shoes. 'They' had all the air of being the in-crowd, bonding and making new friends amid their swirls of chatter and cigarette smoke. Meanwhile, I caught myself, an instant Billy no-mates, now scrutinizing the condensation as it ran down my beer glass or staring at every cobweb, paint chip, dusty picture frame and torn beer mat or focusing on the menu even when I wasn’t the least bit hungry. If the desired effect of this new bylaw was to deter people from smoking, then it was failing pretty miserably in my book. It almost made me want to start! - just so I could be part of the mini crowd that gathered out on the patio or in front of the door, laughing and chatting come rain or shine.

So where am I going with all this??? Ahh yes, Facebook (aka Crackbook). It's something I've felt uncomfortable with from the start and those who know me have heard me belittle and grumble about it, having intentionally and stoically avoided it for as long as I can remember. (When the heck did it first start anyway?) And yet now basically everyone I know is on it. It seems that whenever we get together in person, they're already way ahead of me in conversation, laughing and sharing their latest insider knowledge about each other's lives. When I look blank or confess to being out of the loop, I get the ol’ “oh, you’re not on Facebook”. Heck, they even know stuff about me before I get chance to open my mouth. Lorne and I met up with friends for dinner recently and they were asking me what I thought of Port Townsend and commenting on the photos etc before I’d even breathed a word about it…..because they’d read it all on Lorne’s Facebook page several days ago already. (Since Lorne succumbed to the ‘cult’ last year already and he actually knows more about what Vicky, Mark and Graham are up to lately than I do!) Suddenly it seems everyone has all the ‘Breaking News’ on friends, neighbours, co-workers, relatives and relative strangers – from across the city, other countries, and even on other continents. Heck, for all I know, even from galaxies far, far away in as much as all this is alien to me.

So here's the thing......having lived a good 36 years without smoking a single cigarette, I suddenly discovered (while honeymooning in Cuba) that good cigars are really quite outstanding.......and having spent my whole life adamantly swearing off and never touching a single drop of Scotch/Whisky, Lorne helped introduce me to its wonderful and broad range of exquisite tastes and I can’t wait to take this new-found knowledge and appreciation on a few 'educative' distillery tours.

Could it be ... the time has come the Walrus said.....for me to venture into the dark and long-snarked-about territory of the Facebook world???? Is that the Fat Facebook Lady I hear singing...or rather, chanting…"One of us.......one of us.......one of us........”?

Besides, I guess I have no excuse any longer, because as Graham carefully pointed out (in a note on Lorne’s ‘Wall’), they even make keyboards for my Doomlord-size hands these days.