Random Photo Friday: Punk in Prague

While I love photography - and it's becoming a much greater creative pastime for me lately (basically I do my day job so I can afford to travel and take photos in the time I'm not working) - the one area I have never been very comfortable with is taking people shots - portraits, candid or otherwise. I might see something that 'would make a great shot' but a lot of times I worry that I'm exploiting someone's situation by taking the photo or that they'll catch me doing it and feel self-conscious or irritated. Heck, even if someone specifically wants me to take a few portrait/family/group shots - such as Lorne's sister, Kris, asked a couple of years ago when they visited us in Vancouver - I feel so horribly put on the spot and pressured to deliver great pictures, that I actually become incredibly flustered in that situation. Give me animals, insects, scenery, buildings, patterns or even curious signs and I'm perfectly fine. Put me around people and it's an entirely different story - I get nervous, self-conscious and so ridiculously awkward it's actually quite debilitating from a photography standpoint. I even purposefully signed up for a couple of portraiture photography courses a few years ago to push myself into confronting - and hopefully overcoming - this bizarre timidity and apparently, from those who've witnessed it, I thankfully don't come across as 'awkward' as I might feel on the inside, but suffice to say, I will never be a wedding photographer. In fact the whole idea reminds me of learning to scuba dive many years ago. I was working in the incredibly gorgeous and aquatic paradise of the Maldive Islands for several months and, right from the get-go, the opportunity was there for me to do the PADI Open Water scuba courses for free. Yet I held off and held off - leaving it right up until the final few weeks of my contract, before actually taking the dive school up on their offer. Again it was that sense of pushing myself to confront something that I ultimately find quite nerve-wrecking. I was afraid I'd freak out under water and suddenly shoot to the surface, giving myself the bends in the process. But I did the course and then proceeded straight after to the Advanced Open Water Diver course which even involved a night dive - the thought of which genuinely scared me, but I did it and what's more, I loved it. (It's a whole other world underwater after dark.) That said, diving certificates or not, it's still a major push for me to sign myself up for a dive. It's a great feeling to do it and it's spectacular to enjoy the whole underwater life, but scuba diving does not come easy to me and, as much as I hate to admit it given the absolutely breathtaking experience it can be, it's unlikely that diving will ever be anything more than something I might try once in a blue moon on vacation (simply because I can).

And so it is with portrait photography for me. In fact, as much as I'd love to shoot animal portraits, I wonder if I'd feel the same pressure if I was shooting by request rather than randomly capturing the images/moments as and when I see them.

Thankfully though, for once I did not shy away from clicking the shutter when this little scene caught my eye during our last day of wandering around the magnificent city of Prague last summer. In fact I even took a couple of shots, of which this is the best - and he was kind enough to remain so concentrated on his book that he never even noticed me capture his portrait. You'd think I had purposefully asked him to pose there for me. Again, just one of those moments where planets align and I happened to have my camera at the ready.

So casual and cool, this guy was simply
enjoying his book while unwittingly
presenting me with this fantastic photo opp.

So, to this handsome fella, whoever you are, thank you so much for making my photograph one that I feel proud of - and proving that perhaps I can push myself to take portraits after all (even if the thought does still make me a little anxious).

Random Photo Friday - Fick Fog

It's not often that we get fog in Vancouver, even less frequent is thick fog - a real 'pea-souper' as we'd say in England, but we've enjoyed that exception to the rule a few times in the past couple of weeks and it makes for some difficult yet potentially amazing photography. Not least because of the way it obscures the fantastic views for which this city is so famous, but also, thanks to the 'inversion' effect, you can take the highway up towards the higher levels e.g. Cypress Bowl etc. and find yourself in bright sunshine above the clouds, where you can catch the most amazing views back down across the city and right out as far as the airport and beyond to Vancouver Island. If you're lucky, you might spot an airplane suddenly rising out from the fog as it climbs higher into the sky above.

Unfortunately most of the fog seems to be hanging around during the week and largely gone on the weekend so I've not been able to get to Cypress and take in the views back down to the fogged-in city but, one day last week, I decided finally to bring my camera to work with me and popped out during my lunch-break to capture photos from around the area where I work i.e. downtown near the water, not far from Canada Place.

I was thankful the fog was still hanging around and smothering many of the buildings. The scenery was quite eerie, enhanced moreso by brief glimpses of sunlight that endeavoured to break through just enough to reflect magnificently off the windows of nearby glass office towers and hotels, bouncing right back into the fog and lighting it up with incredible drama. I wasn't sure if I'd capture that same atmosphere on my images but, when I looked at them at home, I confess I am quite happy with many of them, of which this is my personal favourite:

Captured at the bottom of Howe Street,
near the Pan Pacific Hotel.

 I posted a group of them on my Flickr site and have had lovely feedback - some of the other favourites being this view of the Harbour Centre's revolving restaurant, looming ominously like a UFO over a neighbouring office tower - reminiscent of something from The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951):

Harbour Centre or UFO?

A lone seagull tries navigating its way through the thick fog.

Vancouver is a city of many disguises - it's amazing how radically different it can look - and feel - simply under a change of weather. Note to self also: It's always worth bringing my camera.

Onychophagia no more?

A while ago on this blog, I made a confession......I confessed to my embarrassing habit of onychophagia. In other words, being a life-long nail-biter (strictly finger-nails only, I might add - just to be clear!). Chronic nibbler and picker of my nails and the skin around them, to the point they were not only incredibly ugly but also sore, sometimes bleeding (bleedin' ugly, haha) and a point of embarrassment that I generally tried to keep hidden, hoping no-one would notice. Well, I am pleased to report that, since July of last year (when I made a valiant attempt to grow nice nails in time for my brother's August 9th wedding), I have not bitten them. Not only that but they're in great shape and to me they actually look pretty lovely these days :-). Check out these pics if you don't believe me:

All shiny and polished by my own fair hands no less. This pic
also shows off the lovely emerald ring my mum gave me when
I visited last summer. It was hers but she wants me to have it
and luckily we were both born in May and thus share emerald as
our birthstone. Handy that. (Get it....handy? Oh my, is there no
end to my enviable comedic talents?)

Just to prove the nails are good on both hands now
and that I'm not sneakily nibbling one but only
showing the other.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post this little update - more for myself than anything. Need to stay on track and keep myself reminded of just how much better (and less sore) it feels to actually have non-mangled-up nails that I'm horribly embarrassed by. And while I might still sometimes pick the skin around the edges, it's not nearly as bad as it was for a while there. I'm sure Lorne's relieved to no longer witness me with my fingers in my gob and hearing that awful chomping sound. Ugh, it's a nasty, icky, disgusting habit. Long may it be over and done with! Not least because a woman my age, who is ordinarily well-groomed and takes care of her appearance, should not be let down by relentlessly gnawing on stubby fingernails. Definitely not a pretty site.

So I hold my wine glass with pride - to long, healthy, shiny nails - cheers!

Random Photo Friday: Happy New Year, 2015!

Spotted during a New Year's Day walk along Vancouver's Seawall.

Holy tempes fugit, Batman - how did we end up here again so soon?!!! Another orbit completed (as my brother said) and back to day 1 (well day 2 to be exact) of a New Year  already. These things seem to roll around faster each year. I feel like someone's secretly hacked an extra 100 days off each year for the past ten. Heck, I struggle to account for what on earth I did with the last 365 days. I know they were - for me personally - mostly pretty good, and for that I am extremely thankful. While I might not have felt at all well in the month running up to Christmas, courtesy of several weeks of intense, unexplained stomach pains and strong waves of nausea, the cause of which  has yet to be determined - I am pleased to report that my Christmas was not ruined by it. Since taking a course of buscopan (to relieve the intensity of the gastro-intestinal muscle spasms) I've actually felt pretty good for the past week and have certainly more-than-made-up-for any reduced appetite endured in the weeks preceding the hols. Suffice to say, I've stuffed my gob full of all the usual Christmassy culprits; Quality Street, mince pies, stollen, croissants, marzipan, nuts, stinky cheese & crackers, crisps and basically anything else I could lay my hands on.

Red Racer Gingerhead - Who knew you
could bottle the taste of Christmas?

Not to mention the 'spirits' side of the seasonal festivities, mostly in the form of scotch from our collection, a bottle of Spicebox Pumpkin Spiced Whiskey from Vicky and Mike, the obligatory mulled wine plus some rather delectable brews, including this one from one of my fave local breweries - Red Racer. Their "Gingerhead" Gingerbread Stout tastes like Christmas in a glass, deliciously spicy - almost plum-pudding like - but without being too overwhelming or in your face. I certainly won't object to finding it in my Christmas stocking next year, that's for sure.

Anyway, for now there's a whole new year ahead.....who knows what remains to be written?

Random Photo Friday: Merry Christmas from Ella

How did that happen? Again! Days, weeks and months - simply evaporating before my eyes. Whoooooooooshhhh and suddenly it's Boxing Day already. While it doesn't seem five minutes since this year started, here we are again, within days of saying farewell to 2014 and hello to another new year. Next year I definitely need to put "something to slow down time" on my Christmas Wish List.

Nevertheless, while I have a few updates I'd still like to add here before the year is out (and knowing that my very good friend, Carol, is now reading my blog as a way to keep in touch....thanks Carol!), I figured with this still being Christmas n'all that I would post a rather lovely pic I took recently of our little Ella. 

Just like this time last year, she is clearly enamoured with Christmas - the lights, the decorations (which she steals repeatedly from the tree and hides by her bed), the hide-and-seek games with the other two critters among the carefully wrapped gifts.....which then mysteriously become bent, squished and slightly torn overnight. Gooooo figure.

So while Ella was looking so ridiculously adorable, staring at the tree, sniffing the coloured lights (and no doubt planning her next clandestine haul), I caught this shot of her:

I'm quietly very pleased with how it turned out. I purposefully used a very shallow depth of field (with my aperture wide open at F 1.8), to intentionally blur everything behind Ella while keeping her pretty little face relatively sharp. The coloured lights and decorations cooperated wonderfully in creating a very Christmassy bokeh effect and even creating catchlights in her eyes. And what a perfect model she was too. She patiently posed for quite a few shots, although this is my favourite. I swear she was transmitting a telepathic "please deliver lots of treats and catnip toys" message to Santa at the time I took this.

So, from Ella and the rest of us here in this crazy little family (me, Lorne, Mel and Louis), a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to one and all. Wishing you much love, happiness and cheer!

Random Photo Friday: Still Trying Pet Portraits

What the heck - have I seriously not posted anything to this blog since July? Yikes, time is going tooooooo fast. And I have oodles of photos from the past couple of months, not least the 1600 pictures from mine & Lorne's trip to Europe in August - namely, a soggy, cold, blustery and flash-flood week visiting family in England, followed by a cool, grey but drier week in the Czech republic, mostly in the fantastic city of Prague. What a place!

So, while I work my way through those photos (which reminds me, I don't think I ever even finished my Germany photos from last year), I thought I'd quickly post a couple of pet portraits I've shot recently.

Eeeeeeazy like Sunday morning.

Firstly there's our own enormous bundle of fur and cuteness, Louis. Suffice to say he loves basking in the sun as it pours through the window of our second bedroom. (Well, it's more of a den than a bedroom, since you'd be hard pushed to get anything larger than a pet-bed in there anyway.)

I purposefully shot this f1.8 to create a very shallow depth of field, highlighting his paw but capturing the lazy, snooziness of his overall demeanour. He was the perfect model.

The next image is of a wonderfully loyal dog patiently waiting for his owner outside of a coffee shop on Main Street. I used the same lens (my 50mm f1.8 portrait lens) again for a shallow depth of field, to highlight his soft, soulful eyes as he waited so calmly. Well, I say 'he' but he might actually be a she.

Patiently waiting. Dog Days on Main Street.

My Lightroom/Photoshop editing skills are really very basic. In fact I hardly touch my photos afterwards other than a minor tweek of contrast, exposure of colour temperature as needed. But for this pic I felt it warranted an olde-worlde look. I like the effect. I only wish I'd actually looked at his/her collar to get a name - I like to think of these captures as unique moments where two lives touch and the picture holds that moment in infinity. It doesn't seem right to not know the name. :-(

Meet Metformin - Tamoxifen's BFF

Just over a month ago, I wrote a rather exasperated update about my continued frustrations with the weight gain and distinct difficulty in getting any of it to shift, despite my pumped-up workouts. Well, since then, I've been working out even harder - to the point I'm putting in approx. 40% more effort and have even added an extra weekly workout to my usual 3-4. Now, ordinarily (i.e. for the past 15 years) such increase in effort would easily have the weight dropping off me. Even early last year, I dropped about 10 lbs within just a few weeks simply from a slight increase in effort and switching things up a little. But that was then and this is now - and heaven knows I'm probably putting more into my workouts now than I ever have......and, while I have FINALLY started to notice an improvement - the effects are nevertheless somewhat minimal and slooooooow.

That said, in doing a little more research into Tamoxifen and its apparent tendency to 'encourage' weight gain, I happened to come across some rather interesting information about Metformin, a drug ordinarily used for people with type-2 diabetes or other signs of insulin resistance. In fact, I even took it myself for quite a while about 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) when my weight was going up and my skin erupted in acne (something I've been prone to all my life - for worse....and even worse.) Back then I was prescribed a pretty high dose of metformin (about 2500mg/day) by my dermatologist in an effort to help clear the acne. And, while I didn't necessarily notice much improvement in that department, I did happen to shed close to 12 lbs! Not that I needed to lose 15, in fact it was getting a little ridiculous how much my clothes began hanging on me, but I felt fine on the meds (mostly - except for when they tried upping the dose to 3,000 mg/day which soon had me feeling like utter crap).

Anyhoooo, it turns out metformin has medically proven benefits in cancer-fighting, particularly in breast cancer and especially in combination with tamoxifen. How about that? And WHY has this never been mentioned to me before? Thanks to Dr. Google I've found quite a few reports on just how beneficial it is against ER+ breast cancer, even for those without type-2 diabetes, especially in enhancing the estrogen-fighting properties of tamoxifen. And of course the other nice benefit to metformin? - It helps you lose weight, or at least keep it somewhat under control anyway.

So I booked to see my Doc, explained my utter frustrations about the weight gain and the apparently futile efforts of my increased workouts, and we talked about the metformin thing. She agreed with the research, it's definitely been found to be beneficial in enhancing the cancer-fighting properties of tamoxifen and it probably wouldn't hurt to get me started on a low dose - 500mg/day. I was so happy - I literally thought I would have to beg and cry to get a prescription, not least because it's not like I'm fat, just that I've gained a few pounds and, despite my best efforts, am struggling to keep it from continuing going up.

Well, it's been about 3 weeks and I can honestly say - "YAY!!!!!!!" - I am finally starting to see some improvements. I've been pushing the workouts (despite the chronic glute issues in my left bum-cheek that have had me in physio the last several weeks - but that's another story) and I've felt determined to get things under control before we head off to England in a couple of weeks for my brother's wedding....and at long last, all things are finally combining to create a noticeable improvement - in my health, size, wellbeing and improved self-esteem. I feel like I'm back in control once again, even if it is with the help of metformin but hey - from what I've read - there are only benefits to be enjoyed from my low dose and to think it even plays nicely with tamoxifen, what more could I ask for?

Anyway, blah, blah, blah - I'm pleased to report that, while my actual weight has changed very little (which is as I suspected because I'm increasing muscle mass), the needle has finally dropped a couple of pounds - wohoo! Not that weight is so much what bothers me as size and the fit of my clothes. So I also took my measurements the other day and compared them to a month ago - I've lost about 1" on my waist, more than half an inch off each thigh and about an inch around my hips/bum. And that's already enough to make my clothes look and feel so much better - which makes me mentally feel much better too. I can't believe it, I was seriously beginning to doubt I'd get things back under control. And it's not like my weight/size sky-rocketed upwards, don't get me wrong. But relative to my usual stats and the fact I've managed to stay that way for nearly 20 years and that working out like I have been doing would normally be rewarded with much greater improvements, in a much shorter space of time, I am nevertheless very happy to see a small but positive change in the right direction. What's more, I feel great!

The Dr. gave me a 3-month prescription of metformin, so that will at least see me through our vacation (in England and Prague) which I'm glad about. It's always hard when you're eating out all the time, not to mention the fact there are some fantastic Czech beers that I know we're going to be 'sampling'....in varying quantities, as one must - especially on vacation, right?

So YAY! So far so good and hopefully I won't have to feel like a badly over-stuffed sausage in the dress I want to wear at Graham's wedding :-). And for anyone else out there who's struggling against the 'spread' that comes with tamoxifen, I hope this will help. Not that adding metformin is the absolute answer, it's certainly not. You also have to put in the work - and it's definitely worth the extra effort, mentally as well as physically!

Random Photo Friday: Dance of the Sugar-Bum Hairies

It still makes me laugh when I think of my Dad always referring to Tchaikovsky's Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairies as 'Dance of the Sugar-Bum Hairies'. And, while this post isn't about fairies, sugar-bummed, hairy or otherwise - it is about feathers and a couple of noisy crows that have taken to tap-dancing on the balcony skylight outside our bedroom window, and it's driving the cats crazy.

So this was the scene of torment a couple of days ago when the clattering, scraping and squawking of a couple of crows - or perhaps it was just one - started up again on the skylight.


Crows Tormenting Cats. (L-R: Louis, Ella, Mel)

I just managed to grab my IPhone in time to snap a picture of all three with their necks craned desperately trying to get a glimpse of their tormentor(s).

Crows are cunningly evil little buggers. Not only have they taken to clattering and sliding around over the balcony, but both Lorne and I have also caught them tapping on the glass and peering down at the cats from the two large skylights above the landing/stairs. No wonder Louis' been doing a number on himself and nibbling away at his foreleg to the point of scabby baldness - if these crows are what's been stressing him out. And from this photo, you can also see just what a MASSIVE cat he's become though most of it is down to his absolute puff-ball hair!

(Despite our best efforts putting him on a low dose of Zylkene meds and even using a bitter-tasting spray on his baldy area, he still seems to be nibbling away and no doubt the recent heat wave hasn't been helping. In most other ways he's improved a lot in recent weeks and is very happy and sociable once again, but the leg-nibbling continues regardless. (Maybe it's the feline equivalent of me still chomping on my fingernails.)

Anyhow, suffice to say those crows are tormenting, yet creatively entertaining, little buggers!

A new approach.....again!

Well I haven't posted anything for a few weeks here - not even photos, although I have been adding some to my Flickr page and getting some nice feedback.

Anyhooo, in the weeks that have passed, I'm continuing to fight the somewhat relentless battle of the impending bulge as my body seems determined to gain weight. Admittedly I can't be 100% sure whether the upward-creeping scales and tightness of my clothes - especially as I pull out summer clothes that fitted perfectly just last year but look positively shrink-wrapped on me this year - is down to the cancer-fighting, estrogen-zapping Tamoxifen that I'm taking, or whether it's the onset of that dreaded middle-age-spread....not helped any by my penchant for hoppy West Coast craft beers!

So, not in the least bit impressed that my bum and thighs have literally gone up nearly an inch and my summer clothes are all feeling awkwardly 'snug', I've decided to try another revamp of my workout routine plus I've added a few dietary supplements, to see if they help. Gaawd knows the whole Garcinia Cambogia and Raspberry Keytone thing was a big fat waste of time. The first time I've ever bought into the 'Dr. Oz' hype (and I don't even like that show). And, wouldn't you know it, there are many stories in today's news that even chastise him for it. I tried GC for about 9 months and the RK for about 6 months - religiously - to ZERO effect. Not one scrap of difference..... in anything; appetite, weight, energy, size - nothing! I'd say it was a complete waste of money too, except that I ended up being refunded for most of what I bought after taking legitimate advantage of the company's Money-Back Satisfaction Guarantee. Just as well, since both products proved to be nothing more than utterly useless and made not one ounce (literally) of difference!

But, I haven't quite given up on the supplement thing yet - I hear good things about Green Tea Extract, including it's cancer-fighting properties, and have also read up on how Tamoxifen can negatively impact the body's handling of calcium, insulin etc. and fat in cells. So I'm armed with about 90 days' supply of Green Tea Extract, Calcium Citrate tablets and a Magnesium supplement, on top of my usual Iron, B-Complex and Vitamin D. Bloody hell, it's a wonder I don't rattle from all these pills.

Added to that, I read a little more about how to improve my workouts in the face of Tamoxifen's potentially negative side-effects, of which weight-gain seems to be a common, though not quite medically proven, feature. In fact, for me personally, I'd say that's the only thing I've noticed, otherwise I've been fine so far (in the 18 months I've been taking it). But, like I said, even I'm not convinced the weight/size gain is down to the meds, it really could just be one more 'joy' of aging.

Because Tamoxifen is rumoured to affect your body's absorption - and processing - of fats and insulin and such, it's important to focus on weight-training exercises (to deplete fat storage) rather than putting too much emphasis on aerobic exercise. With that in mind (and on the recommendation of a couple of different websites), I've toned down my cross-trainer time to about 25mins, though I've made that time a little more intensive - working harder at it for a slightly shorter period. For my weight training, I've stepped up from two sets to three of 20 reps per machine/exercise. On a couple of machines I might tone down the weight slightly for the 3rd set (mainly due to dodgey, unpredictable shoulders - one of which used to dislocate frequently prior to surgery) and a continuously sore glute/bum cheek - which appears now to affect my left side more than it used to on the right. I'm at the point where I may even need to look into physio for my arse.....if I can just pluck up the nerve. Sitting all day at work doesn't help matters and, lately, really seems to be making it worse.

I was actually hoping to get back into running this summer and, on a gorgeous day a couple of weeks ago, I finally took the plunge and went for my first outdoor run in nearly 2 years. It started off well, despite the noticeably slower pace than I used to have, but I've had pain in my left bum cheek/hamstring almost every day since then, enough that I haven't been able to attempt another run. Maybe I pushed it by running for a full 35mins for my first time back at it, or maybe I have just completely knackered my glutes, since most exercise seems to aggravate the issue, even a short walk.

Anyhow, I'm determined to push through and get some of this weight shifted. And, like I've said many times before, I know it's not so much about the 'weight' per se, and there's every chance that will continue to go up with the boost to my weight-training, but rather it's about size and how I fit into my clothes. Right now my thighs and bum are definitely larger and my clothes are all fitting just a little too snug around those same parts, so this will be the best way to (hopefully) burn it off again.

I started the new supplements last week and boosted my two workouts (then we went away to Portland for a few days where I didn't exercise but ate plenty and took advantage of their fantastic beers - doh!). So basically I'm considering this week as my start, and I have 7 weeks to our vacation/Graham's wedding back in England, by which time I aim to be back down to my usual measurements. I have to give it my best effort anyway, nip this thing in the bud before things keep getting tighter and I feel more despondent. I have to say, the workouts are knackering but I'm excited to see the results. I really doubt the supplements will make any noticeable difference, although I can't decide if perhaps the green Tea Extract is actually helping to keep my appetite in check, but we'll see. I'm sure the combination of all these things is going to help - way more so than getting upset and fed up about it....which (many moons ago) used to lead to me eating too much out of frustration and resentment. And THAT's a road I do not wish to go down again, that's for sure!

So, let's see how this goes!

Random Photo Friday: Float your troubles away

Put your troubles in a bubble and float them all away.

When I first moved to Vancouver (late March '96 - after 5 miserable months in Calgary) my sister, Victoria, and her good friend, Laurie, sometimes hung out with an older and rather eccentric hippy  called Wanda-Mae. I only met Wanda-Mae a handful of times but I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to recognizing faces, even years later (often better than I remember them at the time) and have seen W-M a few times around the neighbourhood though I know she'd never remember me personally.

So why does she still come to mind and what the heck does any of this to do with the above random photo? Well, one of the very few things I remember about Wanda-Mae, is an expression she used to use for letting go of things that are weighing on your mind, "Just put it in a balloon and let it float away". So easy to say, I know, but I actually find that her simple visualization really does work, if you let it. Many times I've thought back to it and heard her voice, "Oooh, just put it in a balloon..." Even if you have to use one balloon per problem - simply put them in there, let go...and watch them float away......

And that's what I thought of when I saw this rather enormous bubble down at Kits beach. Admittedly it's not a balloon but I think the imagery still works. Visualize those niggling doubts, fears and anxieties in there, and send them on their way. It may not completely resolve what's bothering you, but it certainly helps lift the weight from your shoulders...and frees up some mental space - if you let it.

So next time your head's spinning with this, that and the other, try to filter out the small stuff. Put your troubles in a bubble...(or a balloon)...and float them all away.