The Inevitable Break-Up

"It's been seven hours and fifteen days....since you took your love away" or so the song goes. Actually, it's more like eighteen hours and twenty one days, but who's counting? Suffice to say, as of March 7th, Omicron and I have officially broken up. Again.

Well, that's how it feels anyway. This time the shoe was on the other foot, "It's not you, it's us", they said. "I know we've been great together, and these past 16 months have been awesome - the best ever - but, deep down, you know we can't keep going on like this, kidding ourselves that this can last. You've never professed to being in this for the long haul and we can't make you any promises that things will ever really change around here. We've given it a lot of thought and, as stressful as it might be, it's time we tried this on our own - it's for your sake as much as it is ours."

Okay, so maybe they didn't use those exact words, it was more like "I'm afraid we just don't have the budget to renew your contract at this time, we've just laid off 15 people. Maybe, a few months down the road, if we're able to and you're still willing, then we can have you back, but for now we just have to go it alone and see how we manage."

My latest contract was set to expire February 28th and we agreed that would be it. As the final few days ticked by, there was a last-minute panic - too many proposals all popped up at once, which coincided with the marketing guy in the Calgary office quitting - so they asked me nicely to give them one more week, which I dutifully did. (Admittedly I felt a wee bit smug at the desperation in their tone.) And so March 7th became the new end date - this time we both acknowledged and honoured it.

I can't lie - in an odd sense, it's like our 5-year on-off relationship has finally come to an end. Died of natural (financial) causes, if you will. It was all amicable, absolutely. And it's not like I didn't know this day was always on the horizon anyway. Heck, it was only supposed to be for a couple of months......which somehow turned into nearly eighteen.

So we're through. And even during the first week of our separation, I half expected the phone might still ring - a call asking me to please come back, "we just can't do this without you". It didn't. And it hasn't rung for the three weeks since things officially ended between us. Any initial denial on my part has since faded, replaced somewhat reluctantly by the long-anticipated reality that I really do have to get myself a real/new job. Ho-hum!

During the first 2.5 years I worked so damn hard at that relationship, I gave it everything - too much in fact. The long hours, the frequent cancellation of plans I had outside of work because of too many imminent proposal deadlines and all for the arrogant (and much better paid) people relying on me to write that winning bid and find enough work to feed the whole corporate family. No pressure! And then they expanded their business portfolio into Alberta's Oil & Gas industries - namely those MASSIVE oilsands projects - and it just felt wrong in my stomach to be a part of that. An environmental horror story in which I wanted no part, least of all to actively pursue the dirty business opportunities therein. And so I told them, "it's not me, it's you" and I wandered off to pastures new.

For a little while the grass really did seem greener. I worked a 37.5 hour week instead of averaging 50 - 60. I got back in touch with friends I hadn't seen in a long time (including my best friend 'gym') and this new, easier life - yes, I had a life back - was ok overall. Of course I missed the writing, the editing, the proofreading and desktop publishing, but at least I was working with content that felt more like it mattered, i.e. helping raise money for kids suffering from cancer. Little did I know in all of this, that it'd be only a matter of a few short months before everything changed again and that 'c-word' would hit even closer to home.

So we went our separate ways for a while. Indeed, I needed that break from our intense relationship and to evaluate my own priorities in life. But when I needed - and was ready to - go back to work, Omicron was there for me with open arms. Welcoming me back into the fold to give things another go - "it'll be different this time". And it was. Quite different. Pretty damn good in fact. Quite the opposite to my initial experience and I am definitely glad for that. I got to work on projects I enjoyed, the pace was less frenetic, deadlines were perfectly manageable, people seemed friendlier. I confess I was actually enjoying being back there. Of course there was still that fundamental problem of their interests in the oilsands.....I tried to make my peace with it, knowing this was just a temporary gig to help us both out and my other choice was unemployment. (Never look a gift horse in the mouth.)

Besides, there was so much more to it this time - for me, personally - the freedom of being self-employed, the writing and editorial work, the proofreading that appeals to my inner word-geek and nit-pickiness. Plus I was using InDesign again - how I'd missed the desktop publishing and design/photographic slant to the work. Not forgetting that I also took on the role of resident portrait photographer for anyone new who joined the company.

Yep, I'd have to say I was quite comfortable in this new take on our original relationship, things were going well, on both sides. But even I couldn't ignore the signs that, despite our mutual efforts, it was nevertheless destined to be short-lived. I fully expected it to be over long before - done in a couple of months. The fact we got this far - from 2009 - 2014 almost straight through - is admirable in itself, given the tough times we went through.

So we've called it a day, gone our separate ways and there are no hard feelings. We had what we had and it was great while it lasted, especially the second time around. They'll continue without me - which, due to a relentlessly heavy workload, layoffs and resignations, leaves a lot of stress and overtime on the remaining three marketing team members. As for me, I'm enjoying a little time off, hanging with the kitties (Ella just follows me around all day long, such a sweety), and have started applying for other jobs. Heck I even finally got around to posting my profile on LinkedIn, so we'll see if that helps any.

For now I've managed to remain fairly optimistic, at least I know I definitely want to continue in a position that involves the more creative writing, editing, proofreading etc. and, ideally, more photography. This is but a stop-gap between chapters and I'm excited to see what the new chapter brings.