Dr. Google and the C-Word Legacy

I'm quickly beginning to understand the mental 'legacy' that comes with ever having been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. While I'd like to say I try not to think about it, since I had a lucky escape with such a small, very early stage and easily-removed breast cancer, the what-ifs and maybes nevertheless continue to nag once-in-a-while at the back of my mind. Such as they did when, earlier this year, my GP got me all worried with her insistence that a tiny lump in my left armpit felt very suspicious....though thankfully it turned out to be nothing out of the ordinary.

The latest nagging fear, is that I'm now into about the third month of having daily abdominal bloating and a pressure/pulling feeling in my lower abdomen. (And no, I'm definitely not pregnant. I'd have some serious explaining to do to Lorne if that were the case.)

Of course I made the general mistake of turning to Dr. Google who seems to repeatedly indicate that it could be symptomatic of ovarian cancer - especially in view of my age, having already had breast cancer (plus my sister having it), the fact I've never had children and taking into account that I've no previous history of abdominal bloating and this all started just a few months ago and has occurred every single day since. In fact I'd even say it's getting worse although I'd have to wonder if that might be somewhat psychosomatic, since I've now convinced myself just about 90% that is what's wrong with me.

If I look at the Signs and Symptoms, I have 7 of the 13 listed. While I initially put the bloating down to being maybe a low-lying stomach bug or even the crackers/cereal bars I eat at work causing digestive issues, even I can't deny it seemed to start out of nowhere a few short months ago, doesn't appear to go away, except for very brief spells and, for the past week, has been worse, constant and definitely more pain/pressure in my lower abdomen. Aaarrrgggh - a new worry instills itself into my little brain. Thanks cancer - the gift of mental anguish that just keeps on bloody well giving!!!

So when I saw my GP, Dr Y, last week - (to get a requisition for the 6-month follow-up ultrasound of my left-breast since Dr M's dopey assistant has YET to confirm, even though I've followed up with her 4 times since my last appointment with Dr M at the end of March. In fact she's never even returned the calls!) - I decided to mention about the bloating and discomfort from the past couple of months. Without hesitation she gave me a requisition for a pelvic ultrasound, with the form carefully marked "Hx of Breast CA. New onset pelvic/abdo bloating".

"They'll know exactly where I'm going with this," she added, in her usual direct and not-so-subtle manner that unnerves me every time. On the one hand I like it that she's pro-active. On the other hand, she makes me worry when she's so forthright and on the ball. Mind you, from what I've read (having scoured Dr. Google's many ovarian cancer sites) the initial symptoms of OC are frequently so vague and could easily be put down to a number of other causes, that most women are not usually diagnosed until the much later stages. So I should be grateful that I have a GP willing to get right to the point and send me for an ultrasound rather than one who fobs me off with, "It's probably just gas/indigestion/something you ate/possible irritable bowel syndrome/nothing to worry about. Just watch what you eat, fart up a storm, take a couple of Advil and come back in 3 years if nothing changes."

So now I have a flurry of thoughts, concerns and fears floating around inside my preeety leetle heed while my abdomen continues to look and feel like a football with the familiar heavy, dragging sensation that you get on the first day of your period. Could it even be something endometrial, which can be a side-effect of taking Tamoxifen? Added to that I'm also wondering about the genetic testing that the BC Cancer Agency is supposed to be following up on for Vicky and I. Apparently she's finally been scheduled for an initial appointment with them July 25th. If it turns out we have a mutation of the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene then the risk of being predisposed to OC(as well as bilateral breast cancer) increases significantly. Bloody marvellous. Although even that is really quite rare so I'm hoping we're not that special!

My pelvic ultrasound is booked for July 12 - still two more weeks and I'm already a nervous wreck. I just booked to see Dr. Y a week later for the results but how am I going to get through the next 3 weeks????  What's more, I don't even know how I'm going to drink several glasses of water and then be expected to hang onto my pee for 2 to 4 hours prior to the ultrasound, especially since I'm having to pee all the time lately anyway, at least every 45-60 minutes, with or without drinking so much. (Yes, that's listed among the symptoms too.)

Ughhh. And so the legacy continues.....the questions, the wondering, the nail-biting and nervously mulling over a multitude of what ifs every time something with my body feels a little different to usual. Which makes me wonder, does Vicky go through this too? Well, I know she does actually. And does my younger brother, Graham, ever feel scared if he gets chest pains, indigestion or shortness of breath? Especially since he had a full on heart attack in 2007 that scared the crap out of all of us and he wasn't even 34 years old! Does the fear of a recurrence ever really go away?

Ordinarily three weeks wouldn't be a long time. But when you're afraid of another whack of the cancer baseball bat, it feels like an eternity.


**Update: July 10, 2013**
I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that I should be safe, I very much doubt my abdominal/stomach issues of late are in fact related to ovarian cancer - I think I'm just gaining weight. While tummy ache and bloating has been pretty persistent the last few months, I seem to have gained back most of the weight (& size) that I initially lost in the first few months of starting Tamoxifen, despite the fact I don't eat much,almost never eat junk/fatty food and have still been working out for 90mins-2hrs every other day. I mean, I know I'm not 'fat' but it's demoralizing nevertheless to have trimmed down, become really lean, felt great and yet now I can tell my clothes are getting tighter again even though I haven't changed anything and my thighs (yes I measure my thighs) have crept up a half inch, so now my shorts/jeans etc feel smaller on me again. Humpf! Not impressed and having PMS isn't helping. Still, if it means I don't have OC, then I'm definitely ok with that, I just hope this blubbery feeling isn't a continuing trend going forward ...or should I say 'outward'.